Thank you

You called me again. Suddenly, u was telling me that you are going to the place where we used to have lotsa memories there. I just said, 'ok'. And it bothers you because i said just 'ok'. According to u, i used to cried manja, 'nak ikut.. nak ikut'. According to u, i have changed. Well, to know that you still care of the smallest things i said and done... i don't know to explain but i feel a kind of relief inside. U msg me tonight. U said that u missed me. I wonder if u worries because im staying alone now. Well, if its true, I feel pleased inside. I just wanna say thank you.. but i don't know how to say it to you.

"Thank you"

Sang Mantan

Nidji – Sang Mantan

dulu aku kau puja
dulu aku kau sayang
dulu aku sang juara
yang selalu engkau cinta
kini roda telah berputar

kini aku kau hina
kini aku kau buang
jauh dari hidupmu
kini aku sengsara
roda memang telah berputar

mana janji manismu
mencintaiku sampai mati
kini engkau pun pergi
saat ku terpuruk sendiri

akulah sang mantan
akulah sang mantan

sakit teriris sepi
ketika cinta telah pergi

akulah sang mantan
akulah sang mantan

mana janji manismu
setia sampai aku mati
kini engkau pun pergi
saat ku jatuh dan sendiri

mana janji manismu
mencintaiku sampai mati
kini engkau pun pergi
saat ku terpuruk sendiri

akulah sang mantan
akulah sang mantan
akulah sang mantan
akulah sang mantan

mana janji-janjimu

Akulah Sang Mantan

I was mad yesterday. I was sad yesterday. I was angry of what we have become. I remember you told me that you would take care of me. I also remember you said it will have to end one day. I couldn't ask you to give me more. Cause as human, kita xkan pernah cukup. If i ask you for one more day, it will end tommorow. When tomorrow comes, I would ask for another day. And it will keep going on like that. Is it true that everything has an expiry date? I do believe so. Why? Even human expired. Our expiry date will be the very day when we die. How about love? I am not sure of that. Maybe yes, maybe no.

I was angry when you suggested me to go back to where i came from. (laughing to myself). I feel like i was once your favourite car. Or maybe your favourite camera. U were so into me that u spend almost all of your time with me. U always wanted to take care of me. See all? When you fall on 2nd place, u gotta really have a strong heart. Maybe because he has been doing that for almost for 4 years now, i guess he got tired. It's okay. We all got tired because we are human. Now that i'm not your favourite car anymore, i'm broken all the time. What's best is to send me back to the manufacturer (which is my mum n dad).

Today, I am all alone in this big city of kuala lumpur. My housemate left me with the house all alone. I never sleep in my room anymore. I always sleep at the hall. I always leave the tv on when I sleep.. so that I don't feel alone. My parent? No, they don't know any of my trouble. I bear it alone. I travel to puchong everyday to work. I got stuck in traffic for almost 40 mins everyday. I ate breakfast in the car. I listen to music in my car and trying to avoid any happy love songs. I am not mad of what you have turned into. It was always not meant to be mine.

Our life is like a story book. Not every chapter is as exiciting. The climax in the story happen only once. I have been there with you. Where I was the most happiest girl in the world. No matter how much the author enjoy writting the story, he or she will still have to compose the closure for it. No matter how sad the reader will be as the story will about to end, they still have to close the book and move on. I wish to stop complaining. It's time for you to give time for yourself cos u spent too much for me. i wish to stop complaining cos i still wanna have that conversation with you. Where you would call me and have a lil chit chat about life. I dun know what we are now. But I do know that I still love you. Whatever we are now, I leave it to u to decide. I always hope the best for you.

I dun consider myself as a loser when u walked away and leaving me alone. I consider myself as a proud woman. I was blinded by love that I am willing to be hurt. But I will not ruined whatever you have now just because I was blinded by love. Yes, tears will still run down my cheek but I have no ill wishes or whatsoever againts you. Friends have warned me that this day will come. Mom and dad have told me that you will leave me. But i didnt expect it to be so painful.

I am a sang mantan. Miss everything about you. I surrender my heart now...

LOVE AND HATE

Love and hate are one of the strongest opposites in my dichotomous thinking. Why then unhappy love often turns into deep hate and ruined relationships? A person in love loves everyone. This overwhelmingly positive feeling can change the world drastically. A person in hate becomes an enormous destructive force. It drives to an abyss of violence.

Have you ever experienced real light of love and real darkness of hate?

Love may be more powerful than hate because, as it was in the song, love can lead to hate, whereas hate never produces love. Love is more powerful because it gives birth to new positive challenges. Love changes a person, enriches the world, extends the horizons, enhances opportunities, brightens friendships, and deepens emotions. A person in love has a specific aura, a peculiar kind of energy that is given off, scattered in all directions, like the light of the myriads of stars, sliding through ages, celebrating Juliet, Laura, Natasha, Ophelia, Desdemona, all those love stories, powerful in their complexity of feelings and emotions, all about eternal love.

But love can go away. It simply disappears, vanishes. So powerful to disappear, or love never goes away. Love is powerful because it can transform. It is, in fact, a transforming process of flexible relationships, in which intimacy remains stable.

Who ever lived to hate? Love is powerful because it drives, navigates, directs, and makes my existence meaningful. Hate invites loneliness, whereas love denies it. Hate ruins personality, whereas love builds ego identity. Hate results in acts of violence, whereas love leads to amazing acts of kindness. Hate destroys, whereas love creates. Hate is war, whereas love is peace. Hate is bad, whereas love is good. Hate is revenge, whereas love is construction. Hate is meaningless, whereas love is meaningful. It is impossible "to love to hate". It is always "love" that gives birth to "hate". That's why love is more powerful than hate.

I need to discover my powers. Discover love in myself. Be sure that I am more powerful to love than to hate. Keep love inside, and I know that all will be always fine.