About Me

My photo
i made mistakes a lot. I complaint a lot. I came with fuckloads of emotional garbage with me.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Kesederhanaan ini

Ini aku. Seikhlasnya ini adalah aku. Yang serba tiada tapi aku punya rasa untuk kau. Aku mungkin mentah. Tapi aku rasa aku sangat kenal dunia ini. Kerana aku melihatnya melalui matamu. Aku mendengarnya melalui telingamu. Aku merasakannya dgn hatimu. Dgn keadaan aku yang tersendiri.. Dengan kebodohan ini.. Ironinya aku bahagia.

Adakah aku telah menjadikan kau sebagai titik bagi aku menilai segalanya tentang kehidupan dan cinta? Mungkin. Kau tak datang dgn mengatakan betapa kau istimewa berbanding lelaki lain. Aku tahu itu dengan sendiri. Kau tak datang dengan mengatakan betapa kau seorang yang matang dan punya segala dalam hidup. Aku tahu itu dengan sendiri. Kau tidak datang dengan menggoda aku. Aku tergoda dengan sendirinya. (wah gatalnya..)

Kau tak menyanyi untuk buat ku jatuh cinta. Aku terjatuh dengan sendiri. Kau tak tanya padaku, apa yg hebat tentangmu, apa lagi menceritakannya padaku. Segalanya tentangmu, aku tahu sendiri. Dengan mengenalmu, aku mengenal diri sendiri. Sebab semua ni la, kau lain dari species yang ada sekarang. Jadi jgn ingat aku ada lelaki lain sayang. Jgn ingat aku mudah jatuh cinta sayang. Walau sekali pun, bukan rezeki kita untuk bersama, aku tetap cinta kau dengan kesederhanaan ini. Kesederhanaan dengan erti kata, cinta kita tak mesti bersatu.

Kau tak gedik dengan perempuan lain. Kau tak pernah lupa mengingatkan aku betapa kau cinta padaku di setiap kali kau mahu pergi. Kau seorang lelaki yg konsisten. Tak pernah sekali pun kau berubah. Kau sgt manja. Kau sukar untuk ku gambarkan tapi kau lah yg paling aku dambakan. Bila marah, kau tidak meninggikan suara. Cuma kau akan masuk gua. Apalah yg ada dalam gua yg gelap gelita tu. Rasa nak bom semua gua dalam dunia ni. Berjam2, berhari aku tunggu depan pintu gua.. Tapi walau kau pergi, kau selalu pulang pada aku.

Sampai aku yakin kini aku tak mampu lagi berdiri tanpamu. Walau apa yang terjadi.. kau adalah lelaki. Aku percaya segala keputusan yang kau buat adalah yang terbaik untuk ku. Tinggalkan aku? Hanya itula satu-satunya keputusan dari kau yg aku tak mungkin mampu hadapi. Kau berbeda. Kerana itu. aku cinta padamu dengan kesederhanaan ini.


Monday, March 9, 2009

Confessions

Tonight, I thought about writing a few confessions.. regardless how stupid it may sound. I wanna get the feeling of being true to myself..

First of all, let's start with the parking. I often forgot where i parked my car. Even when after i have look carefully before i left the parking pun, still i will forget it. I kinda feel uncertain about where i have park my car. Is it P2 or P3? I took sometime to look for my car. The worst was half and hour. I dun know, i might break the record in the future. The minute i exit the shopping mall, i'll be wondering where i have park my car. I spent half an hour to look for my car n when i found it n drove to the exit, the machine will display me these sweet words! "Time limit exceeded. Please pay again" Wah marah betul masa tu. There was a time when i was looking for a parking at Tesco. There was one Chinese man who have just exit the mall and he waved at me. He gave me sign of where he have park his car. I made a quick turn and i got his parking. So i decided to have that kind of quality in myself too. But when i have waved at people and then forget where i parked my car, i kinda malu sendiri. Lol.. But that's not gonna stop me from waving at people!

Nice burger.. I love burgers! of course the best burgers are made by The Burger King! Second goes to McD.. But of all the burgers, i don't know why, i am so into Nice Burger (currently). It was really a small stall, by the road side. But i dun't know what he have put inside the burger, it tasted so nice that I would want to have it every night! Normally i would buy Nice Burger and sat by the road side of a not really quiet and not really busy road n have it there with my bro or friends. I don't really have many friends in perak but i have a few. I like to post the pic of Nice Burger i am talking about.. apa la agaknya dia letak dalam burger dia.. macam ada dadah je cos i ketagih burger dia dah!

The next confession is about weddings! Weddings.. it is one magical word.. one sweet word. It is the day when the thread of love between two soul will be entwined together. I love to hear the good news when people wanna get marry. But i dun really like to attend weddings. Why? Err i can't really explain that. Well, maybe there are numbers of reason. I'll try to list it down:

  1. Because i dun really like crowded place
  2. Because i get scared when thinking bout my turn
  3. Because i know i will get a lot of pressure from my mum (if it is my cousin's wed)
  4. Because i always have to be the 'bunga telur gal'
  5. Because i dun really like 'sireh jodoh'
  6. And i dun really like 'sireh jodoh'
  7. And i dun like 'sireh jodoh' and bla bla bla

Well, that's all. I just hope even i don't like to attend weddings, i hope i'll have the best wedding ever n hope people will come to my wedding. Ahaks.

The next confession will be about.. my childhood memory. When i was small, i was raised by my grandma. I was spoiled but it wasn't her fault or anyone's fault. She just loves me too much and i was so lucky! Haha I remember, when i was small, i love to play boy's stuff. I love to play football. Tuju guli. Kite. Panjat pokok and stuffs. But when i grow up, i am completely a different person. Well, maybe kasar tu ada la sana sini, but now, i am complete as a woman! Chewah. In fact, i am glad that i was born as a girl. During the kenduri tahlil, my moyang was there dekat kampung. She is quite old but remember and hear well. She looked at me when i was helping my abg sedara preparing kuah rojak for makan2 during that night. The conversation goes like this..

Moyang : Kamu ni peroih yak? Anak si seni? (Actually fairos.. seni is my mum.. rosni. Al maklum la cicit yg balik ramai and semua dah besar.. so she took sometime to remember)

Myself : A'ah.. Moyang ingat lagi?

Moyang : Eh..ingat le. Ape dibuat aku tak ingat. Bukan main bueh (buas) kamu mase kecik-kecik. Ye bebenor labun aku ni.

Myself : Hehe (I can't help but to laugh n felt proud at the same time, n then she held my left arm)

Moyang : Tangan beloh ini yang patoh ari tu yak? Kamu manjat pokok rambutan belakang nun yak?

Myself : Hehe moyang ingat lagi? (Wah bangga betul i.. maklum la,i je yg pelik dari cousin lain)

Moyang : Ate.. ingat le. Opah kamu sayang bebenorkan kamu tuu.. Memang aje bueh kamu. Dulu si pesal(faizal, abg sedara i) ngan pak chu (also abg sedara i) kamu sunat, orang bentang tilam, gantung kain pelekat, terlentang grope itu, kamu pun ndok ngrope itu. Kalo tak diikutkan merajuk!

Myself : hehe ye ke moyang? oh ye la, baru ingat... (agak malu juga masa ni)

Moyang : Ada deme 2 ekor baring, kamu nye baring tengoh2..

Well, what else, all my cousins couldn't help to laugh bout it. Esp abg faizal. He, himself have forgotten about it. I honestly feel happy to have that kind of memory. It may sound 'not right' but my childhood time is the best!

That is all the confessions that i have in mind for the moment. I hope to write more next time. Oh by the way, I watched 'Stardust' on HBO recently. OMG, it has been a long time since i last had the feeling that i have when watching 'Stardust'! It was an amazing movie!

Last but not least.. Salam Maulidur Rasul to all!


Saturday, March 7, 2009

Cinta Sempurna

Aku manusia lemah
Selalu terjatuh
Berbeda aku darimu
Kau berdiri teguh

Sempurnanya sifatmu
Tulusnya hatimu
Jujurnya niatmu
Tingginya kesabaranmu

Aku serba tiada
Aku kekurangan
Ku tak mampu menanggung
sebuah cinta sempurna
darimu

Bukan aku tak pernah mengerti dirimu
Ku sanjung setiap kata cinta kau berikan aku
Ku tak mahu hilangkan rasa itu
Ku tak mahu akhirkan semua

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Missing star

I can never really tell you why
I've been missin' you a lot
And I just have to take another look of your photo
In my wallet

And there's no reason why I kept your t-shirt
By myside when I sleep
Pretending you were never really
Gone

It's like a missing star
That's always been up in your sky
It's like the rainbow that never comes
After the rain

It's like the sun never rises
In every of your morning
How am I suppose to live without all those things?
They are all you..

P/S:
A dedication to a man who used to be mine.
Guess you must want me to go on. I love you always.
I know you are, and will always be a happy man.