Good Lord, I Have a Complaint.

Its has been 40 days since she left me.
I moved on because people around me told me so and they made me believe that if you are still alive now, you wouldn't want to see me sad either.

But there are times..
It happens, only sometimes.
When i remember you.. I remember on how you smile. When you smile, your face will glow.
When you laugh, you giggle like a child.
I miss that.
When you was sad and worried, you sighed silently but i was still able to hear it. Then you threw a worry stare far away, out of the window of my very room. When i told you not to worry, you lied by telling me you are not.
Thinking that when I call home now, I can't ask for you anymore.
It hurt me so deeply inside.
So Dear Allah, I want to let you know. That I feel this burden in my chest.
It's as heavy as a giant iced rock.
Sometimes, it resulted silent tears in my eyes.
For every silents tears that came out from my eyes, I would feel a slow sliced cut in my heart.
So Lord, I want to make a complaint.
THIS HURT!
I have a message.
I want to tell you, opah.
There is not much to worry now.
I am a lecturer now. Only for temporary.
I will look for opputunity to get into government and become a school teacher like you always wanted me to become.
I have only a few things to arrange, opah. So, don't worry anymore.
Just rest in peace.
There will be time when we shall meet again.
Until then, I'm just gonna wait.

Masa College

I woke up early today as it is my first day of job in Masa College. Malaysian Academic & Skills Advancement College. It sounds good to me. It's actually a new college and still growing. However, with the achievement it has now, I'm quite proud to be part of the group of people with the responsibilities to drive this institutional forward. My boss, whom is also my HOD (Head of Department) named Madam Hanim.

She is.. how do i say ya, she is a very nice person. She said i can always ask anything and she is willing to teach me when possible. It's just that she is quite a busy woman and she said I had to grab her every time when I see her available. She is energetic, expressive and her English.. Good Lord, she is amazing.

My other two friends, Fatah and Liyana, they are English Lecturer for English Faculty currently. Now that I'm in the team, it makes 4 of us now. Fatah and Liyana kinda bully me. But despite that, they are friendly and likes to joke around with me. Therefore, I didn't feel the burden of the load work too much. Well, I didnt complain about the work load since Madam Hanim warned me on the interview day about the stress working as Lecturer in Masa College. Like she said, "I have to tell you Rose, the pressure is very tremendous!"

I wasn't given heavy or serious task during my first day of work. Because they are having English Week for the student currently, so what i did is I help out a lil bit of this and that. Next week, new intakes will be coming in. I had to do a lot of photostatting. Seriously, I never touched a photostat machine previously. So I'm quite proud with myself that i know how to handle the machine now. Trust me, men are even worst! I rather spend my time with the photostat machine. At least, is bertindak mengikut arahan. Men? They don't. Lol

I'm looking forward to a better life. I hope my grandma can see me from above and maybe be a lil proud? I love my job now. I was in love with my previous job with M1 but now I love my job even more than the previous one I had. Wish myself a sweeeett good luck!

Lost

i just sat a beach just now. i was with a friend. Thinking about life and everything about it. My friend said i wishes too much. Not sure of what it means. Sometimes. I feel like I am one ungrateful human being. I complained too much. I nag too much! Myself is like splitting into two pieces. One is always positive and another is always negative. And the negative one seem to be in control all the time and stronger than my other half.

In one glance, i looked like a girl who owned almost everything i want. but inside, if u look carefully, i am a girl who is confused about almost everything. I made a mess out of my life and how worst can it be than this? Well, i have decided, this is just another rough and hard phase of my life that i have to go through. I've been worst than this! What harm can this do to me now?

At this point, when im writing this, i feel a bit lost and emptiness inside me. I also feel a lil bit angry. Disappointment. Lately ive been feeling all the negative feelings. I lost directions. Im worried all the time! I am going to start again. Fresh. I will not loose directions again. I know my priority now. I will right whatever i did wrong. I will be okay! I will run before i could walk again! And when it's done, I'm gonna tell u when its done!

I feel unloved always. I lost my grandma forever. The only person who i can be sure have loved me so much. So far, the only good things that has ever happen to me after my grandma's death is i got a job as a lecturer in Puchong. I'm not sure if this is the beginning of good things or the other way round. I feel it is the beginning of the good things. Ive been jobless for 2 months and that's the reason why my life is going down, down, down.

Im certain, this one can be right. I feel it right. Wish me luck to re-correct my life again.