When will the good day come?

Hari ni i cuti.. I woke up late. Feels good to wake up late. I wanna enjoy my life when im still single and young. I received a phone call from Ija.. The conversation goes like this:

Ija: Babe, ko kat mana?
Me: Aku kat rumah la. Ko kerja ke?
Ija: Takla. Aku tgh cuci kapal terbang ni. Hahahaha
Me: Manyak la ko.. Nape ni?
Ija: Babe, aku nak ajak ko lunch ni.
Me: Sekarang ke? Kat mana?
Ija: Mana2la. Sekarang la. Ko tu cepat sikit. Ko suka lambat!
Me: Ye la2..
Ija: lagi 10 minit
Me: Ok, Aku tunggu kat bawah nanti.

So I went out with her and I had Nasi Ayam! Boleh la.. tak la sedap sgt. I lagi suka nasi ayam hailam dekat damansara uptown. Masa makan tadi.. kitorg xdela sembang apa sgt. Kitorg cuma plan nak buat apa malam ni. Ija ajak i pergi tgk wayang. The conversation goes like this:

Ija: Babe, jom tgk wyg malam ni!
Me: Citer mende?
Ija: Jom aa.. Kuntilanak 'Kamar Mayat'!
Me: Ah! Gi mampos.. ko gi la tgk sorg2. Aku takkan bazir duit tgk citer macam tu.
Ija: Eleh.. penakut. Ckp je la takut..
Me: Weh.. bukan takut la. Citer macam ni boleh meransang tindak balas yg negatif terhadap emosi...
Ija: (she intercept) ye la. ko dgn scientific bla bla bla ko tu
Me: (i just make my face)
Ija: ok la ok la. jom tgk papadom
Me: Ok! Afdlin punya citer aku boleh blah lagi!

So Ija, drove me home and went back to office. I went upstairs to get my file as i need to settle a few things in regards to my convo. Everytime, i buka pintu rumah, i tgk rumah macam kapal pecah. Because, last night, wani (my housemate) gaduh dgn bf dia. I was not at home last night. Her bf called me and wanted to see me after work. So we met at mamak stall, damansara perdana. I think the stall name was d'maju. But the nasi goreng ayam..sgt la sedap! So Hisyam jumpa i and cakap dia ada masalah dgn wani. I became a good listener but didnt say much cause ni prob diorg. What pissed me off, Hisyam said sorry cos sepahkan rumah. I tanayala Hisyam, 'ko gaduh dgn dia kat rumah ke tadi?' He said dia gaduh dalam kereta. Then wani keluar dari kereta and terus hilang. He didnt know where to search for wani so he went back to my house. He thought wani kunci diri dalam rumah padahal wani takde pun kat rumah. He was not able to open the gril. But managed to kicked the door. So he called out for wani tapi takde org respond. So the stupidest thing was he throw batu bata dalam rumah i! So bata tu pecah and dusty was all over the hall.

I tak tau nak kata apa. I tak tau react apa. I malas sgt dgn keadaan macam ni. So i pejam mata je la. Nanti i ada mood i kemasla. For now, I malas. Cos this is not my mess. Nasib baik bf i bukan macam Hisyam. Back to my story again..So I went out to Damansara again. I pergi betulkan visor kereta i, sebab ada org patahkan. I admit la..memang salah i. Tapi i tak sengaja. Hari tu, I balik kerja malam. Tak ada parking. So I blocked kereta org and terlupa langsung to loose my hand break. Selama i duduk dekat sini, i tak pernah lupa cuma kali ni saja. Sampai hati org tu patahkan visor i. Maybe as a warning kot. I dun feel so sad. Cause benda tu i can repair. I just nak mengadu to my bf. Guess what... my bf' replied to me these.. "tu la. u buat org. org buat la u balik" So i terkejut sgt. Then he laughed. maybe he was joking but I cannot accept it.

Sebab, kalau bf i yg org buat macam tu, I akan show empathy. I akan marah kat org tu walaupun bf i yg salah. But I think i know my bf. He is not sellfish. He must have done that, dengan tak sengaja. So i akan kata yg motivate dia la.. maybe like, 'tak apala syg. Biar org buat. U pun lain kali ingatla. Nasib baik dia tak pecah cermin. Nanti kita repair sama2 ya'. Lepas tu i nangis. Bf i pujuk dgn cakap. 'mana org tu? biar i pukul dia' tapi its too late im already torn. So that evening, he usually spend time driving while talking to me. But I said, "No. I dun feel like talking to u. Maybe we'll talk again when I feel better'. Tak pernah sekali pun i ucap macam ni sepanjang 3 tahun bercinta. Ini la kali pertama.

So next morning he called me and talk nicely to me. Unfortunately, I was still not letting go. So we fought again. And kata putus finally keluar dari mulut I. He said, 'Sorry'. I kata, "I dun need your sorry. Just save it' and dia reply. "Saved!" So I bengang, i kata, "Thats it. Kita putus je. No more us. Im letting u go for good!' Kenapa i jadi macam ni? I dun know. So when i cuti hari ni, I went to do stuff I usually dont do. I pergi beli ikan emas tiga ekor. So nanti i nak letak dalam aquarium i. Lepas tu i pergi repair visor. And finally I pergi kedai cd. I beli cd lagu 3 keping. Soooo..there goes my boring day. Now I have to get home, cause encik isa nak repair washing machine kat rumah tu. Financial problem teruk betul la bulan ni. Dah la kereta accident. When will the good day come oh Lord!

And one more thing, I tak suka mentality org dekat flora damansara. I think they are sick people living in a sick place. And i am planning to get out from here and rent somewhere better.

Buka Puasa Dgn Mak and Abah!!!

wah dah lama rasanya tak dapat cuti back to back. When I got this chance to have a back to back holiday, apa lagi.. i terus balik kg! It feel so good to balik kg. My mum cooked meriah giler. The first day buka puasa, mee bandung! Second day is nasi ayam. Wah, you shud have a taste of my mum's and dad's cooking. Sedap giler... Selama i duduk kat damansara, i berbuka either sorg or with my friends. Tapi tak semeriah macam dua, tiga hari ni. Tommorow i will be driving home to KL again. dah nak kerja. I'm soooo looking foward to balik raya for cuti! And guess what? I got 7 days of leaves for raya celebration!!

Oh one more thing, i think there will a few changes in my life.. and i need to get adapt to it very quickly. I nanti dah tak menyewa dgn budak rumah i. She will be leaving me this week. She got herself new job at new place. Im gonna be soooo alone. I wish life treat me well. Maklumla, my sweet, sweet lover boy is a.k.a caveman.. kuat merajuk and suka masuk gua. Dah la suka masuk gua, suka kata i kuat tidur. Padahal, i tak pun tidur. And i penakut sikit.. hope i'll be fine.

I dah habis belajar. My status is now in the graduate list. I tak sabar. My parents of course would want me to get into education and become a teacher or something like that. For the time being, im working as a cso. It drives me crazy most of the times, but i love my job... cos i duduk damansara. Dekat dgn bf i yg handsome tu.. haha. Pastu my salary isnt so bad. Kalau my credit card nanti approved, lagi la i seronok!

Life is beautiful... no matter how i look at it. I'm blessed. I'm loving someone with all my heart. He's the only guy who can make my heart beat so fast and slow at the same time. He made me float like i almost loose myself. I love it so much when he is such a mister nice guy.. when he bercanda mesra dgn i. Even i rasa geram dia kata i kuat tidur.. it doesnt matter. I'm still one happy girl!

My Come Back!

It feels great to blog again. After all my fears, I manage to get things done. Who would knew, my new life, my new place.. they are not so strange to me anymore. I met new people. Make new friends.. I'm loving my job! Well of course, there are always ups and downs.. but thanks to my dear, who have always been there for me.. through my ups and downs. After sometime, I'm still settling down with my life. I'm doing okay, mostly is because of the support from my family. But my dear mr caveman have done a lot for me! He has been taking care of me.

After some rough times, I realize that I'm starting to loose my senses. I thought it's better for me to start blogging again. So that i can spit out my thoughts and worries.. my concern and fears. everything! Well, as for tonight, i think that would be all. I will be here again to write craps.. Lol. Baby, thank you so much for everything that you have done for me. Just pls dont go and and hiding in the cave too often. I can go crazy without you, out here.. Life is meaningless when you are just hiding. I wanna be better for u. Give me a chance yeah?? Daa..

My Fears

Today is 5th april. And I'm going to kl tomorrow. To an unknown place wer i am going to stay with my fren. I dun even know wer the apartment is. But i know things are gonna be just fine. From my apartment, i dun know the road to my tempat kerja, but i know everything is gonna be fine. The best part about this, i gotta work, earn my own money and have my own life. I promise not to forget my family and i nak beli Tv LCD besar for my mum n dad. I nak beli macam2 for my bros! I wanna be happy! Tapi ye la.. kena kejar term paper which is due on 10 April. But I know everything is gonna b fine. Tak kisah la dapat berapa pun.. the best part is that i gotta finish my study! yeay! I hope 6th april cepat la berlalu, so that my fear for i am a stranger in an unknown place cepat la hilang. I hope 10 april cepat la berlalu, for i hope, i will be free from the term paper that's cracking my head!

Kesederhanaan ini

Ini aku. Seikhlasnya ini adalah aku. Yang serba tiada tapi aku punya rasa untuk kau. Aku mungkin mentah. Tapi aku rasa aku sangat kenal dunia ini. Kerana aku melihatnya melalui matamu. Aku mendengarnya melalui telingamu. Aku merasakannya dgn hatimu. Dgn keadaan aku yang tersendiri.. Dengan kebodohan ini.. Ironinya aku bahagia.

Adakah aku telah menjadikan kau sebagai titik bagi aku menilai segalanya tentang kehidupan dan cinta? Mungkin. Kau tak datang dgn mengatakan betapa kau istimewa berbanding lelaki lain. Aku tahu itu dengan sendiri. Kau tak datang dengan mengatakan betapa kau seorang yang matang dan punya segala dalam hidup. Aku tahu itu dengan sendiri. Kau tidak datang dengan menggoda aku. Aku tergoda dengan sendirinya. (wah gatalnya..)

Kau tak menyanyi untuk buat ku jatuh cinta. Aku terjatuh dengan sendiri. Kau tak tanya padaku, apa yg hebat tentangmu, apa lagi menceritakannya padaku. Segalanya tentangmu, aku tahu sendiri. Dengan mengenalmu, aku mengenal diri sendiri. Sebab semua ni la, kau lain dari species yang ada sekarang. Jadi jgn ingat aku ada lelaki lain sayang. Jgn ingat aku mudah jatuh cinta sayang. Walau sekali pun, bukan rezeki kita untuk bersama, aku tetap cinta kau dengan kesederhanaan ini. Kesederhanaan dengan erti kata, cinta kita tak mesti bersatu.

Kau tak gedik dengan perempuan lain. Kau tak pernah lupa mengingatkan aku betapa kau cinta padaku di setiap kali kau mahu pergi. Kau seorang lelaki yg konsisten. Tak pernah sekali pun kau berubah. Kau sgt manja. Kau sukar untuk ku gambarkan tapi kau lah yg paling aku dambakan. Bila marah, kau tidak meninggikan suara. Cuma kau akan masuk gua. Apalah yg ada dalam gua yg gelap gelita tu. Rasa nak bom semua gua dalam dunia ni. Berjam2, berhari aku tunggu depan pintu gua.. Tapi walau kau pergi, kau selalu pulang pada aku.

Sampai aku yakin kini aku tak mampu lagi berdiri tanpamu. Walau apa yang terjadi.. kau adalah lelaki. Aku percaya segala keputusan yang kau buat adalah yang terbaik untuk ku. Tinggalkan aku? Hanya itula satu-satunya keputusan dari kau yg aku tak mungkin mampu hadapi. Kau berbeda. Kerana itu. aku cinta padamu dengan kesederhanaan ini.

Confessions

Tonight, I thought about writing a few confessions.. regardless how stupid it may sound. I wanna get the feeling of being true to myself..

First of all, let's start with the parking. I often forgot where i parked my car. Even when after i have look carefully before i left the parking pun, still i will forget it. I kinda feel uncertain about where i have park my car. Is it P2 or P3? I took sometime to look for my car. The worst was half and hour. I dun know, i might break the record in the future. The minute i exit the shopping mall, i'll be wondering where i have park my car. I spent half an hour to look for my car n when i found it n drove to the exit, the machine will display me these sweet words! "Time limit exceeded. Please pay again" Wah marah betul masa tu. There was a time when i was looking for a parking at Tesco. There was one Chinese man who have just exit the mall and he waved at me. He gave me sign of where he have park his car. I made a quick turn and i got his parking. So i decided to have that kind of quality in myself too. But when i have waved at people and then forget where i parked my car, i kinda malu sendiri. Lol.. But that's not gonna stop me from waving at people!

Nice burger.. I love burgers! of course the best burgers are made by The Burger King! Second goes to McD.. But of all the burgers, i don't know why, i am so into Nice Burger (currently). It was really a small stall, by the road side. But i dun't know what he have put inside the burger, it tasted so nice that I would want to have it every night! Normally i would buy Nice Burger and sat by the road side of a not really quiet and not really busy road n have it there with my bro or friends. I don't really have many friends in perak but i have a few. I like to post the pic of Nice Burger i am talking about.. apa la agaknya dia letak dalam burger dia.. macam ada dadah je cos i ketagih burger dia dah!

The next confession is about weddings! Weddings.. it is one magical word.. one sweet word. It is the day when the thread of love between two soul will be entwined together. I love to hear the good news when people wanna get marry. But i dun really like to attend weddings. Why? Err i can't really explain that. Well, maybe there are numbers of reason. I'll try to list it down:

1. Because i dun really like crowded place
2. Because i get scared when thinking bout my turn
3. Because i know i will get a lot of pressure from my mum (if it is my cousin's wed)
4. Because i always have to be the 'bunga telur gal'
5. Because i dun really like 'sireh jodoh'
6. And i dun really like 'sireh jodoh'
7. And i dun like 'sireh jodoh' and bla bla bla

Well, that's all. I just hope even i don't like to attend weddings, i hope i'll have the best wedding ever n hope people will come to my wedding. Ahaks.

The next confession will be about.. my childhood memory. When i was small, i was raised by my grandma. I was spoiled but it wasn't her fault or anyone's fault. She just loves me too much and i was so lucky! Haha I remember, when i was small, i love to play boy's stuff. I love to play football. Tuju guli. Kite. Panjat pokok and stuffs. But when i grow up, i am completely a different person. Well, maybe kasar tu ada la sana sini, but now, i am complete as a woman! Chewah. In fact, i am glad that i was born as a girl. During the kenduri tahlil, my moyang was there dekat kampung. She is quite old but remember and hear well. She looked at me when i was helping my abg sedara preparing kuah rojak for makan2 during that night. The conversation goes like this..

Moyang : Kamu ni peroih yak? Anak si seni? (Actually fairos.. seni is my mum.. rosni. Al maklum la cicit yg balik ramai and semua dah besar.. so she took sometime to remember)

Myself : A'ah.. Moyang ingat lagi?

Moyang : Eh..ingat le. Ape dibuat aku tak ingat. Bukan main bueh (buas) kamu mase kecik-kecik. Ye bebenor labun aku ni.

Myself : Hehe (I can't help but to laugh n felt proud at the same time, n then she held my left arm)

Moyang : Tangan beloh ini yang patoh ari tu yak? Kamu manjat pokok rambutan belakang nun yak?

Myself : Hehe moyang ingat lagi? (Wah bangga betul i.. maklum la,i je yg pelik dari cousin lain)

Moyang : Ate.. ingat le. Opah kamu sayang bebenorkan kamu tuu.. Memang aje bueh kamu. Dulu si pesal(faizal, abg sedara i) ngan pak chu (also abg sedara i) kamu sunat, orang bentang tilam, gantung kain pelekat, terlentang grope itu, kamu pun ndok ngrope itu. Kalo tak diikutkan merajuk!

Myself : hehe ye ke moyang? oh ye la, baru ingat... (agak malu juga masa ni)

Moyang : Ada deme 2 ekor baring, kamu nye baring tengoh2..

Well, what else, all my cousins couldn't help to laugh bout it. Esp abg faizal. He, himself have forgotten about it. I honestly feel happy to have that kind of memory. It may sound 'not right' but my childhood time is the best!

That is all the confessions that i have in mind for the moment. I hope to write more next time. Oh by the way, I watched 'Stardust' on HBO recently. OMG, it has been a long time since i last had the feeling that i have when watching 'Stardust'! It was an amazing movie!

Last but not least.. Salam Maulidur Rasul to all!

Cinta Sempurna

Aku manusia lemah

Selalu terjatuh

Berbeda aku darimu

Kau berdiri teguh

Sempurnanya sifatmu

Tulusnya hatimu

Jujurnya niatmu

Tingginya kesabaranmu

Aku serba tiada

Aku kekurangan

Ku tak mampu menanggung

sebuah cinta sempurna

darimu

Bukan aku tak pernah mengerti dirimu

Ku sanjung setiap kata cinta kau berikan aku

Ku tak mahu hilangkan rasa itu

Ku tak mahu akhirkan semua

Missing star

I can never really tell you why

I've been missin' you a lot

And I just have to take another look of your photo

In my wallet

And there's no reason why I kept your t-shirt

By myside when I sleep

Pretending you were never really

Gone

It's like a missing star

That's always been up in your sky

It's like the rainbow that never comes

After the rain

It's like the sun never rises

In every of your morning

How am I suppose to live without all those things?

They are all you..

P/S:

A dedication to a man who used to be mine.

Guess you must want me to go on. I love you always.

I know you are, and will always be a happy man.

Double Permanent Loss

This is just me

With a funny way of showing my love for u

Sometime i will say things that are contrast from what I've been tinking in my tiny little mind

In many ways.. I love to trap u with my tricks questions

Just to see if u love me

Isn't it easier for me just to ask?

But this is just me

I throw tantrums at you

Even when I have reasons or without reasons

I get jealous a lot

With or without reasons (Deym and Fook me so much)

But it's because i love u a lot

Loving me is such a painful thing for u

I know u can't take this torture anymore

Not even for one more day

I've turn myself into this so-called beast

And I dun like it either

I just wanna be the girl that u love

This is just me

And no way I'm gonna be the girl that you love baby

I am not the person who worth all the troubles

I guess it's gonna be a double permanent loss this time

I'm not strong

This is just me..

But I guess, at least... Billy Joel will never blame me

Cause I'm always a woman to him (Deym..)

And cause of that

I'm asking...

God please preserve my heart

I want it to be as cold as ice

Let it be freezin cold iced through out the years

Through out many many years!

But let it melt when the right summer comes

(Deym.. not just any summer.. will there be a right summer for me?)

When the first leaves touches the ground

Let me be lost and never will be able to find my way back to him

But let me come back when another heart is meant to be my home

The home that accept me

And this beast inside me

Permanent Loss

On 25th of feb, i got a call from my cousin.. from Hospital Raja Permaisuri Bainun. (known formerly as Hospital Besar Ipoh)


Kazen : Dah dapat berita ke? ( Sobbing)

Me : ....(silence) thinking to myself

Kazen : Hello? Hello? Dah dapat berita ke?

Me : Hello. Apa? Tak dapat lagi..

Kazen : Atuk dah tak de.

I am not ignorance about my atuk's health condition. Since dari hari pertama dia sakit.. I am the cucu yg selalu hantar dia pergi clinic and hospital. So i know i can say.. it is not his time yet. And I know, nobody can argue that with me. Atuk is a very strong man. He could go thorugh any disasters and will still make it thorugh. In fact, he made it n i believe he was suppose to be around even until now. Too much of mistakes... N it is all unacceptable to me. But I'm just a grandchild. I am nobody.

I selalu akan datang rumah dia, to fetch him up with my mum and took him to clinic. He would tell the doc and the doc gave him sum pills. They are vitamins and pain killers. Atuk is not living with us.. He has got another family. And I believe he was a happy man.

I doubted the medical care because he stayed away from us. He has been consuming the pain killers and had effects wit his gastric thingy. Atuk selalu malas nak makan.. kenapa tuk? Bila malas makan, dia asyik minum tea.. tea.. tea.. coffee.. coffee.. I nak tanya.. "kenapa tuk?"

One day atuk sakit perut.. i went to fetch atuk with mum.. i saw atuk looked so pale. When he as sitting, he was like can't breath. Instead of taking atuk to clinic, we took atuk to a hospital. I nak tekan kan kat sini.. it was a Hospital Kerajaan. Bukan nak berlagak... tapi really not my mum's style to admit loved ones to hospital kerajaan. Cos my mum was a nurse in a private hospital (Tung Shin and Pantai Puteri). So my mum kinda know which offers the best medical care. Tapi masa tu takde pilihan. Persetujuan antara anak beranak je.. ada yg menentang. Tapi sekarang dah tak ada lagi org tua tu, agaknya yg menentang tu rasa apa la ya..

He was stranded there.. with nurse2 pelatih. my mum had to beg to see nurse yg in charge and begged like this.. "staff, tolong la.. buatla sesuatu. bapak saya nie sakit. buat la sesuatu, trasfer ke" So.. then atuk was transfered to Hospital Besar Ipoh. Which is even worse! No doubt the doc is good. But not the medical care/attention given to my atuk. The doc insisted on an urgent surgery to my atuk. Cos the effect of consuming the pain killer pills, he suffered to have his stomach bocor and the gas was out in his stomach. Urgent surgery is needed to prevent infection to other organs. But my mum refused due to his age (76yrs old).

My mum wanted to transfer him to Pantai Puteri Hospital for the best medical treatment. But the doc said there was no time for tat. The doc said, mum will waste more time coz atuk will need to undergo blood test and etc again dekat Pantai Puteri. So, diorg anak beranak agree to the operation. Sometimes after operation, my atuk boleh buka mata. Kenal org. My mum dah bagi susu n dia boleh minum. Bawak dia mandi. He even asked my mum to tempah seluar baru cos dia dah kurus.

These prove that the doc is a good doc, the operation was a success and my atuk was completely healthy and even planned to go home to tempah seluar. He was not dying! Tapi after 1 day in ICU, they pushed my atuk to normal ward. When asked, they said, the ICU required an empty bed. Okay! memang nyawa lain dalam pertarungan tapi kalau kat private hospital, this wont be happening. In private hospitals, all lives are valuable! Terlalu banyak kesilapan pihak hospital.. Biar i mentioned kat sini, HOSPITAL BESAR IPOH!

Air bubble dalam drip air.. nobody attend to that. Back flow dlm drip.. The nurses will be looking at each other and say "eh bukan transfer darah ke?" Bodoh tul. They gave him empty oxygen n nobody attend to that. When called and asked they'll say, "eh ye la dia SOB (short of breathing) again, that was so silly!

Right after the operation, we shud have transfer him to Pantai Puteri. We shud have send him there ealier. Nurses and docs pelatih ambil darah dia n cucuk dia macam apa je. I didnt cry until i buka muka jenazah atuk. I held his hand.. There were bruises all over. I cried when i saw that.. The reason for his death is cardiogenic shock, secondary to AMI (Acute Myocardial Infarct). That is just on the name.. but wat happen actually? They chased my mum away, even when my mum was standing 2 beds away from my atuk. What cud have possibly go wrong? What did they do? Cos my mum was the last person to see he was still alive n blinking his eyes right before he was restless.

I didnt cry at all. But I cried when I kissed him as he was lying and not moving. I was staring at him n he was not moving. i tot to myself, how can that body not moving anymore now? When dia dikapankan, i cried, he used to do everything on his own, now seeing 6 to 7 men doing him, i realize he is so helpless now. Death.. is it really the end to everything? When u lost something, u can always find it back..or get a new one. Can i even turn back time?

I was blur n numb till now. Regardless apa kenangan lalu.. He is still my grandfather even after he is till long gone.. I tried to remember sweet memories antara i dgn dia. Tak ada banyak tapi ada a few yg boleh i ingat. Masa i kecil dulu, dia selalu beli gula-gula oren kat i.. Gula-gula tu bentuk bujur.. tengah-tengah dia ada warna putih n kalau i hisap sampai tengah-tengah, nanti rasa masam. I suka gula-gula tu. He would buy around 10biji, wrapped in surat khabar. Dia akan bagi macam tu je kat i, n he would ask cucu2 dia to bahagi sama rata.

I teringat juga, masa i pergi hantar dia clinic n hospital. My mum banyak spend untuk kesihatan atuk n i got involved to hantar mum n atuk. I remember those moments.. My mum cudnt help to cry.. she regret hantar atuk to Hospital Ipoh. To me, i dapat bermesra dgn atuk sepanjang i selalu bawa dia pergi check up. I will always remember him n pray for him. This cud be a promise he have made to God and nothing can be done. Maybe this is the way how it is suppose to be. I learned a lot. I think if atuk died after dapat the best medical attention, at least kita tak terkilan. Kalau org yg i sayang sakit, I promise to myself to give the best medical attention! I takkan sesekali pergi hospital kerajaan lagi. kalu i yg mati kat hospital kerajaan takpe. Tapi bukan org yang I sayang..

To me, it was a total lost! It was a PERMANENT LOSS! As i wont be able to hear his voice lagi.. I wont be able to see him lagi.. As I wont be able to taste his lemang during raya lagi.. As i wont be able...in many ways that a person is not able anymore... not able to breath with this truth.

...xoxo...xoxo...

Darling, can't you see?

What loosing you have done to me..

I'm not the same man I used to be..

Have a change of heart..

Don't keep me standing in the dark..

Don't let confusion keep us apart..

Come back to me..

And I guarantee of the tenderness and love you'll ever need..

This time I'll be sweeter, our love will run deeper..

I won't mess around, I won't let you down..

Have faith in me..

Dream Box

I put my dream in a box

So they'll never spoil

Hidden from the sunlight

Underneath the soil

You can never be too careful with a secret

As someone once said

But would it be safer to keep it locked up in my head?

Be My Valentine

Wah! Holla again.. It's Valentines! A celebration of love.. But this time, my baby is so far away from me. So i guess no valentine for me this year. But baby, i dun need valentines day to be on the calendar to celebrate my love for u. I celebrate my love for u everyday sweetheart.. Too bad u r so far away from me. I wish i cud plant soft kiss on yr cheeck..

Hari nie I woke up.. Waiting for my baby to call me. N he did! So we talked.. A few min of romance.. (mabuk rasanya). Then i mms to him a picture of a lil something that i bought for him.. After that, my baby was long gone. I missed him sehari suntuk ni. Then I was getting ready to attend my cousin's enggagement ceremony. I went there with my mom. Oh how I hate to attend weddings or apa2 saja yg sewaktu dgnnya.

But this is my cousin I'm talking about. I would be so mean not to attend kan? Nanti bila tiba time i pula, takde org nak dtg, barulah padan dgn my face! My cousin ni male. N some more younger than me pula. The union of two souls thingy nie kinda give me a headache when my mom starts to worry about me getting the partner of my life. Well, i already have one.. It just that no one knows bout it.

So when I reached there, tgk ramai tol org. I tot how romantic to get enggage on valentines. So I took some pixs.. N was so hungry n cant wait for the food to be served! Banyak la pulak lauk yang dihidangkan. No wonder la coz the girl was the only daughter n her family ada biz catering..sorta. I sigh from afar.. But happy for my cousin. He came to tunjuk muka.. since the girl's family insist him to come. He showed me peace je dari jauh. So i peace back! I was the only female cousin yg datang. Jobless la katakan..

Every min pun, i kept tinking bout my baby. Agaknya dia tau ke yang I nie sayang kat dia? Sebab dia asyik cakap i tak sayang dia. Even seeing two people joining their souls together pun i berangan kan dia lagi.. rugi betul la kalau dia tak tau. I ate a lil je.. lauk sedap, air pun sedap. Just tat i was missing my baby. When it was about time to leave, i tolong la angkat hantaran yang dibalas pihak perempuan. I tgk perfume apa.. kasut brand apa.. Tiba2 i tot, if it's my baby, I promised him a ferrari. Maybe I would put a ferrari's car keys as hantaran.. huhu

I cant believe it happened again! My mum telah minta sireh yg ada di tepak sireh itu, barang 3, 4 helai n suruh i makan. She said 'sireh jodoh' will let my jodoh cepat dtg.. Here goes my conversation with my mum when i was driving home..

Mum : Nanti kamu makan sireh tu. Mak mintok kat deme tadi..

Me : Berapa mak ambil tadi?

Mum : Ade le. Dalam 4, 3 helei (helai). Tak boleh ambek bebanyok. Sireh tu ghamai org ndok.

Me : Mak percaya ke menda-menda nie? (dgn nada selamba)

Mum : Ngape? Kamu tau ke ngape org ndok sgt sireh tu? sireh tu dah di doakan. Yang orang baca doa tadi, itu le die.. seri pengantin lekat kat kamu, jodoh pun cepat dtg.. pasei tu le. Kamu makan semua karang.

Me : em ye la.. (trying to please my mum)

So sampai rumah i pun makan la.. Anything to make my mum happy. But baby, its valentines. N i'm still tinking about u. Tapi kalau tak valentines pun, i will still be thinking bout u too. I felt so tired. Fell asleep. When I woke up, i went out n beli ticket for movies. Nak tgk cerita upin and ipin esok. Bosan kan my day? Yeah baby, when u r away, it is always tat way. cos when u r around, u always make my day!

sekadar ucapan bersahaja....

I wish valentines to my frens.. Nana, thanks for being there thru my ups n downs. To chunky, u have been a very great friend n great listener too. To akmar, u never leave me when i need u the most. To mizi, u mean so much to me. Thanks for watching my back. To kak tini, u r what frens are about. Happy valentines to all my frens!

To my family.. mak.. thank you for everything. Dari lahir sampai dah besar, tak pernah kurang apa pun. To abah, u're d greatest dad ever. To abg.. ko ni belajar rajin2.. wish u luck dgn dania. Hati2 la.. it takes real eyes for u to tell which one is the real love. Look beyond than just the surface la. To adik, kak sayang kamu. Suka tidur ngan kamu.. dapat peluk2.. Eee geram.. Kalo ko terror, aim la straight As dalam SPM plak.. wahaha I dare u!

To my baby.. Valentines is like every other day. N every other day u gave me is like valentines to me. I love u like sand on the beach times three.. sebab tu ada 3 bears. I sayang u sgt. U jgn la asyik cakap i ada org lain. coz i only have u alone je. U mean the world, sun and stars to me. I dun ever want u to go away.. I will always be asking for extra time cos i know u wont. I wont care much if u want to complain bout my cooking but one day u have to taste em. i will make u n u better dun show me that u hesitate eh.. Kiss nanti! You have to sing to me everytime i geram with u. I saaayang u sgt! Lets have durian tepi pantai lagi. Lets have supper together again. Im mising u so deym much! I love you so 'something' baby... N I'm talking about forever and a day baby!

Would you be my valentine honey?? I love you so much.. deym!!

With Nothing But Your T-shirt On..

Shontelle - T-Shirt

Hey, let me tell u know
Oooh Baby..

Tryin to decide, tryin to decide
If I really wanna go out tonight
I never used to go out witout ya
Not sure i remember how to

Gonna be late, gonna be late but
All my girls gonna have to wait cause
I dun know if i like my outfit
I tried everything in my closet

Nothing feels right when I'm not with you
Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos
Taking them off cos I feel a fool
Tryin to dress up when I'm missing u
I'ma step out of this lingerie
Curl up in a ball with something Hanes
In bed I lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on
Oooh, with nothing but your t-shirt on

Hey
Gotta be strong, gotta be strong but I'm
Really hurting now that you're gone
I thought maybe I'd do some shopping
But I cudn't get past the door and

Now I dun know, now I dun know if I'm
Ever really gonna let you go and I
Cudn't even leave my apartment
I'm stripped down torn up about it

Nothing feels right when I'm not with you
Sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos
Taking them off cos I feel a fool
Tryin to dress up when I'm missing you
I'ma step out of this lingerie
Curl up in a ball with something Hanes
In bed I lay, with nothing but your t-shirt on
(I'm all by myself with) with nothing but your t-shirt on
Ohh with nothing but your t-shirt on
(Cos I miss you, cos I miss you) with nothing but your t-shirt on
(said I miss you baby)

Tryin to decide, trying to decide if I
Really wanna go out tonight
I cudn't even leave my apartment
I'm stripped down torn up about it

Cause nothing feels right when I'm not with you
Sick of this dress and this Jimmy Choos
Taking them off cos I feel a fool
Tryin to dress up when I'm missing you
I'ma step out of this lingerie
Curl up in a ball with something Hanes
In bed I lay

Hey hey nothing feels right when I'm not with you
Sick of this dress and this Jimmy Choos
Taking them off cos I feel a fool
Tryin to dress up when I'm missing you (cos I miss you)
I'ma step out of this lingerie
Curl up in a ball with something Hanes
In bed I lay
(I would be in bed) with nothing but your t-shirt on
Said i got nothing but your t-shirt on

Hey (Cos I want to be close to you)
With nothing but your t-shirt on
I remember when you like to see me
With nothing but your t-shirt on
Hey (nothing but your t-shirt on)
Let me tell you know (nothing but your t-shirt on)
With nothing but your t-shirt on

You Vs My Cooking

I think nothing can come in between a girl and cooking. No matter how higly educated u r, u just need to know how to cook! If not for others, maybe for yourself. I used to hate cooking. Because i didn't understand about it at all. Everytime i watched my mum, i tried to learn.. something will always go wrong. I view a cook as a wicked witch! U know when they had tat big bowl with water boiling in it, n they'll stir it round n round.. Then throw some magic dust (pepper, salt etc) and stuff?? I just cudn't get the tricks how to make the taste superb. How much shud i put the salt.. how much is dat? How much is this.. And how long to that.. how long to this..

I'm grateful dat now, i can cook. Not an expert, but boleh lah.. However, i cooked at my own pace. I took my time as i want to make sure everything is done well. But somebody! Somebody outder... Always commented on my cooking sampai geram i di buatnyer! I usually start to prepare lunch around 11am and finish around 3pm! I know its lama.. the latest pun 4.30pm. I know! It sounds ridiculous. That's just me. Take a look at what he had commented on me.

Comment 1

I bet u.. u r still cooking rite? U xleh kerja kat restoran! Hbs semua customer lari! tunggu lama sgt!

Comment 2

U masih xhbis masak lagi? Bila boleh makan? Lambat sgt! Lepas isyak la! Itu pun kena moreh (supper)!

Comment 3

Sweetheart tak hbs msk lagi? Lama i tunggu nie. U ni masak lama sgt! Ada kenduri eh? Ramai org nak datang hari nie?!

Comment 4

xhbs masak lagi? U patut start masak semalam lg, kalau nak makan hari ni! Baru siap on time!


But he is always willing to put up with me. At the end of the day he'll call me "u sexy cook". I am certain dat it not true at all.. but tgk la those comments tu. I tak tau la.. tapi i geram. :-P

Chill!

Greetings... Wah.. What a day today.. today i wasnt feeling so good cos ive been having sore throat. After some med n loving, im feeling much better. Actually, nothing much i did pun today.
I just woke up, cooked a liltle and watched tv. Tapi yang bestnyer hari ni i learnt to how to tukar tayar pancit.. Lol. maybe korang yang dah expert tu rasa no biggie la this thing but it's a big thing to me yang first time buat.. Masa ambil lesen memang la ada belajar tapi theory jer. For as long as i have been driving ni (6 years) adalah 4 kali tayar pancit. Semuanya i minta tolong mana2 hero yang sudi tolong. But today i buat sendiri. Penat seh.. but okayla. I felt great knowing that i know how to take care myself sendiri nanti.. But now i got few pics la yang i just wanna share kat sini.. Just for fun!

This is..er..(blushing blushing) I tink u know who.. Bond da boy 68! My boyfriend or so how i like to put it. Actually pic ni i ambil early in the morning, i just got up from sleep n he was preparing breakfast for me. Giiiituuu.. So while i was having his breakfast tu, i cracked a joke but i cant remember what it was and so he was laughing. Cute tak? Alahai.. (perasan nyer i..)



This is a pic i took when i went to sg kedondong with all my classmates. Masa tu i tak mandi sekali cos badan terasa macam slight fever. So i just sat there jaga barang member, n tangkap gambar kawan. My mind ni asyik ingat to him je.. so i carved 'that' on the sand. i just wished if he can be next to me every second in every minute, n every minute in every hour, n every hour in every day..

Okay... this is macho bubu. Actually me and my family call him 'kelabu' because he is grey in color. Macho dun u tink so? What to say? I love my cat!



This is also my cat. Tapi dah takde sekarang. I called him puteh. Sebab dia puteh la. I sayang dia sebab dia sgt manja dgn i. I still remember dia sgt suka tidur dkt dgn i. Unlike bubu, tak leh pegang lama nanti dia rimas but puteh ni sgt manja. He likes to sleep dekat i..dekat unexpected place pula tu!




I have hamsters too. At first i bought a pair lah. So i named them Robbie and Montie. Actually ada secrets behind the names of course. As u can see, this is the pic of Robbie's and Montie's babbies.




I rasa Montie gave birth to 6 babbies but only 4 survived. Sad.. I named their babbies as chillis, nandos, tobasco, and nachos!




So diorg pun dah besar.. What a happy family! My bro sayang sgt kat diorg ni..

This pic is rather different. I find it unique to menikmati roti canai on a banana leaf. cos i cuma pernah makan nasi daun pisang je.. belum lagi roti canai daun pisang. But it was nice.. lagi2 if u went there with people yang u adore kan..

For this pic, i pergi langkawi. I was with my cousins masa tu. Dun know how this idea came, to make a print of kaki kami yang tak berapa nak comel ni. Ada 4 org masa tu. I pun tak ingat which beach.. cos i slept during the whole journey.

I tak tau la binatang apa yang buat macam ni. I think it's the umang-umang. I just thot it's nice. Dia bulat2 kan tanah tu and jadi cam gitu plak..

Those pics above was another trip to sg kedondong. This place is actually preety amazing. At first when i heard the name of this place, i tanya..'weh sure best ke korang?' My fren cukup pandai membuat i tergoda dgn memberi jawpan yang sungguh la amat simple.. 'kalo ko hembus nafas, siap kuar asap la weh..' Lol. N this place is actually amazing la! It is just 20 km from genting highland gitu. But not many people know about this place. Scenery nyer pun cantik..

Gambar ni biasa je. I went to hantar kereta cuci the other day.. Masa tu sgt terik. I just nak test cam je. Tapi cahaya tu make it one wonderful sunny day je.. I like it.

This is pula the pic my family's dusun durian. My mum said one day dia nak give up the house that we r living now n dia nak rumah style kampung gitu. She said she want to bela ayam n all. She said she wants to build a home here someday. So bila masa musim durian, we d whole family will come here n do a liltle gotong royong. Notice there is a swing at d tree? My dad made it. My bro selaloo la naik. I tak berani.. cos my bro kata kalau i naik nanti patah!

Missing you..

When i go to sleep, u'll be the last thing on my mind..

When i sleep, u'll be in my dreams..(looooooking handsome as ever)
When i woke up, i tink of u before i see the sunshine..

I hear u before the birds' chipping..

Am i so into u or wat? Sigh..You made me think of u too much..like 8 days a week and 25 hours per day??

Sweetheart, even if we dun stand a chance to b 2gether..

I am soo grateful to have know u from the beginning..

Knowing u is the best thing that has ever happened to me..

I know, i'm gonna get hurt when u mengada2 nak tinggalkan i nanti..

But love is suppose to work tat way..hurt a liltle bit.

I heard some says true love is when u adore someone from afar..

True love is when u accept the fact that u guys can't be together.

True love is when u cry tears and still u whisper to yrself, "I'm happy when u are".

Everything that start will have to end someday. That's just how things work,isn't it?

Kata orang pertemuan akan disusuli perpisahan.

Perpisahan adalah mutlak.

But u know wat??

I will still love u the same.

"U're my best gurl!" (Are u really?)

Life ni seronok kalau kita pandai cari the elements of fun in it. We decide on the kind of life that we want. U want crazy life? Well, dun plan for it. Just go with the flow and do unexpected stuffs. I prefer that kind of life. Tapi sekarang ni, my life macam biasa je. No more crazy stuffs to do. I guess after being a student, it's time to get serious la kot. But soooo boring la weh..

Masa jadi student dulu, nak pergi mana pun boleh je pergi. Pernah la pergi 7E pagi2 buta semata nak minum crisantimum tea tue!! Pastu semata2 nak beli Touch n Go card yang ada gambar Daniel Craig tue! Perjalanan yang jauh tue sehingga 4 bijik 7E yea? U can even spend on unnesscessary stuff sesuka hati je (pastu bila dah takde duit, mula la nak mengamuk je rasa kan?) Life is like heaven. Now pun my life is okay. Bila duk rumah, golek2 je la kerjanya. I just got bullied my by brothers always!

I thought about my friends sometimes. I miss them all. Ada yang macam tak best tu, memang i tak ingat langsung la kat diorg..kenapa nak ingat? Buat sakit hati je.. Kadang i pelik pasal kawan2 nie. U can be so close to him/her that when people look at u pun people will think "Ah! Good friends..to death! But ironynya, sometimes u can be so close to them but they r actually not that close to u pun..haha macam mana nak explain ya apa yang berlegar dalam fikiran i ni..

Friends are suppose to share secrets, happiness, sadness or maybe knowldege? Tak tau la tapi many of my friends are willing to share secrets..even big secrets! Impressive huh? When they r happy, it shows. So i am happy for them. But when they are sad, some would like to keep it to themselve only and i think that shud be respected, shudn't it? But when it comes to knowldege, i rasa not many are willing to share. Menyedihkan..ish ish..

To me, when i have something interesting that i think others will be impressed, i would share it with them. Bukan apa.. i rasa it would be rather meaningful and fun..for example la, I have a fren. Her name is akma. She always exchange notes for exams with me. Kalau pukul 3am or 4am dia dapat note tu, the hack la with the time! She'll just sms me to let me know she got 'barang baik punyer!'. And why is that? Because she cares to share! Simple.

Tapi ada yang rapat dgn i..bila nak share, say widget la on the site kan? Terus2 cakap tak tau. I really feel sad la with this kind of friends. Mcm pretender. Macam la luak sgt kalau dia bagitau ilmu dia kat kita. Lagi satu ek, say dia dah paste widget tu, siap dia hilang kan lagi link website widget tu. Freak out too much la. Entah la.. I am not angry. Mula2 dulu marah la jugak bila perangai diorg macam ni tapi lama2 i think the hack la with it.

Bila diorg minta tolong i, i tolong je la without questions. But 'gurl', i ni ingat je attitude u. I ni pun got some kind of attitude pun. Not just u alone. When it shows, u'll know. Ikhlas kan lah hati in everything that u do. Cos by that, u'll find satisfaction. N u will never be alone.

Does My Name Fit Me?

Few days ago, I met this one amazing girl..Syafera. Not much that I knew about her but we exchanged our link for blogging. Going through her blog, gave me the opportunity to know a litle bit more about her. It's like I'm entering her life, her feelings by diving into her thoughts! I kinda like the things that she wrote in her blog. She called it junk and craps but i don't feel so. I think she is pretty amazing..So, this is one of the things that i came across while reading her blog. Maybe u can try it on your name too! Check diz out..

N: easy to fall in love with
O: has one of the best personalities ever
R: gives good hugs
F: wild and crazy
A: has a smile to die for =)
I: best boyfriend or girlfriend
R: gives good hugs
O: has one of the best personalities ever
S: NICE BUTT (huh?)

...............................................

A: has a smile to die for =)
B: is a nerd at times
C: can kick ur butt
D: great friend
E :has beautiful eyes
F: wild and crazy
G: HOT
H: likes someone
I: best boyfriend or girlfriend
J: is really sweet
K: gorgeouss
L : very good kisser
M: can be funny and dumb at times
N: easy to fall in love with
O: has one of the best personalities ever
P: popular with all types of people
Q: makes people laugh
R: gives good hugs
S: NICE BUTT
T: very opened - minded
U: is loved by everyone
V: not judgmental
W: very romantic
X: never let people tell you what to do
Y: very hot
Z: makes dating fun

It's fun! All credits goes to SYAFERA!

Extra Time

Greetings. Today i had a conversation with someone special to me. We was talking about extra time. Who could possibly wonder if anyone could ever possibly need an extra time in love?

It made me think that life is so much like a game. We live life like we play games. We have rules to obey to ensure a fair game going. And so do we have rules in life too. Each game have a limited timeframe. The same goes with life as we won't be living forever. If we play a nice game, there will be nothing to regret. When the game is over, no questions will be asked for we have done a nice play even if we r not fated to be the winner.

To me, extra time can do so much. In a game, extra time is only played if the game is required to have a clear winner, where only one team can advance to the next stage. Bur there is always exceptions in love. Love does not require a clear winner. Because love is not about winning. Love is about caring and sharing. There are rules in love but i believe you decide on the romance timeframe.

Someone used to tell me that he loves me forever. He said not just forever but forever and a day..which is a big thing to me. His expression touches my heart, deep within. It's like forever is not enough for our romance period that he wanted another day. When he wanted to leave me, i refused to say anything. I refused to fight for our romance for i always believe that he is not going leave me. I forgot about the timeframe.

As days passed by, loneliness filled me in. I felt nothing but emptiness. How i realized I took him for granted. So I called him and he said it was about time to let go things. This is where n when I asked him for an extra time. He didnt want to give me any.. But I thought love is about caring and sharing! And he didn't even wanna share with me?!

Now that we are back together. And we are still talking about extra time! He just don't wanna give up. If it wasn't me who asked for it, things won't be the same. I can't tell when will our romance period expire. I just hope our romance will last forever and a day just like the one he once told me about..